“One must still have chaos in oneself to be able to give birth to a dancing star.”
– Friedrich Nietzsche
Thus Spoke Zarathustra, Prologue, 5
chaos arises from the all of the everywhere. my thinking self spinning in circles chasing the tails of the shoulds and have to’s. the tasks with no end, the thoughts with no end.
you know, the yard needs to be cleaned up, the dog fed, the laundry moved to the dryer before it gets that musty smell, the toilet scrubbed, kids need shoes that fit, bills need to be paid on time, sweep the kitchen, reply to texts, find time to look at the sky, write a poem, don’t get too lost in the swirl…
the chaos. such is life. sometimes i fight it, sometimes i submit like i am falling down, sometimes i surrender like i am starting to get it — the gift of full spectrum chaos life force.
chaos may not be the enemy at all but the birthing fires. the swirling dervish of mystery and the unknown and the known all dancing together and asking me to cradle both my will and my action into being. so i root into the vibrant life. i ride the chaos. i find my way to my practice, my words, the work i get to engage with in my luminary transformation sessions, the plants that want to thrive on my tiny little piece of land, the joy of my kitchen, my thousand avenues of love and exploration. i move into deep relationship with chaos, the relationship of open curiosity and a capacity to wonder at all ways with love.
then i lose it again and fight back. then i remember again and soften into.
i am a cycle.
for me the space is practice. the practice comes in many forms.
slowing down. starting with my morning routine, where i might choose to chant as i hand grind my coffee. two deep breaths every time i open the fridge door. watching for any sign of nature or moment to connect to the great mother. who flies past my window? what size is the sun? how does the wind move today?
embodiment. i invite myself into the safety of deep connection with this body, in this moment in time. i invite myself to land deeply and fully in my body. again and again and again. this is supplemented by walking barefoot in nature for as long as i can (the backyard counts!), free-form balance work, and movement based meditation practices.
the having. a simple shift in focus from what i am striving for to what i contain already. striving can build and build into an energetic feeling state of lack. i want to live from the fullness. reconnecting to the energy of having builds on my slowing down practice and also, unexpectedly, seems to move me into a clearer and cleaner state of “doing.” i experience less blocks and avoidance.
kitchen alchemy. for me, my kitchen is a place of instinctual movement, creation and calm. i chop, season, saute, mix, ferment, bake and alchemize from deep within an art of layering memories and being guided by my own desire and pleasure. always grounding and heart space increasing, i sometimes also manage to accidentally solve problems i couldn’t see my way through when i am immersed in my kitchen.
feasting. allowing my life to seen as a gathering of moments. a piecing together of small circles of beauty and in-balance feasts. a glass of water with a sprig of fresh sage and nasturtium from my garden is a feast. a two minute foot rub with lavender infused oil is a feast. a cucumber sprinkled with sea salt is a feast. i accept the invitation to gather all the small essential beauty of my life in consciousness.
trifecta. i work with a daily practice. my daily practice is always made of a collection of three invitations to engage that i find bring me home to my self in the most important ways. when i recommit to trifecta i always begin with a 43 day commitment. right now my practice is movement, chanting, poetry.
discipline. within the commitment to cultivating spaciousness and calm through a practice i always ground into my understanding of discipline. this is - that discipline is forgiveness. i will aim for, i will mess up, i will forget, i will make careless decisions that get in the way of my practices, i will forgive myself instantly, i will begin again. repeat. repeat. repeat. daily practice is an eternal game of remember/forget that wants only to be bathed in love.
three things i have grounded into recently to help support clarity in my daily life.
“i decided to cook only something that comes straight from my heart.” - Alex Atala, Chef’s Table Season 2. i simply cannot say enough about the Netflix series “Chef’s Table.” yes, food inspiration but so much more — inspiration for living and life.
Katy Bowman who i first discovered through her book Move Your DNA. i then became addicted to her podcast Katy Says and lastly began to dig through her website Nutritious Movement. again, a deep source of inspiration around movement specifically but also so much more, soaking into all manner of engaging with life.
The Soul of an Octopus by Sy Montgomery - a book i grabbed at the airport on a whim and fell deeply in love with.
my creative heart is always in the kitchen and playing with movement. right now i am actively falling back in love with writing ten minute poetry as well…
i wake tired.
tired of fear,
tired from dreaming,
tired of the way my tongue searches around the backs of my teeth.
tired in the curve of my own forehead.
but i don’t want to rest.
i want to turn whatever corner awaits.
i want through the pull of
this thin membrane
and on, into the light.
perhaps i need ancient tongues whispered silent in the clouds above.
perhaps i need to go back away,
to the centers of life,
to the body of the beast
at the heart beyond my heart
and ask her to return here with me.
at the edges of jealous and rage is expansion. the fire lick of anger is just a last grab at my skins.
i have no use for being small.
but small doesn’t want to be left behind.
not to worry sweet one,
i am akin to the mother.
i scoop her up - trembling and fearful,
ignored and undernourished,
tear streaked face long since dried and eyes wide
here is a long strip of silk.
a hand to hold.
here are my arms.
i don’t have to escape without you.
i don’t have to heal anything into becoming.
the heart of perfection is just gathering you up.
here, lets be in the roaring winds together.
here, lets gaze at the void.
here the beast body beats at the centers,
here all the light and the stars
and the space and breath and my own
fiery sun and each phase of everything.
here together. it all.
there is nothing for weary.
there is not at fight
there is no evacuation or denial
gather here - big small home -
we will join like one and
have truth for breakfast and
go about our days
like a radical light.
like all the space in the world.
ROBIN E. SANDOMIRSKY
MOVEMENT EXPLORER. LUMINARY HEALER. TRANSFORMATIONAL CHANNEL. NEW ENGLAND DWELLING SINGLE MAMA TO A TWO & FOUR LEGGED FAMILY OF LIGHT BRINGERS. WORDSMITH, FOOD ALCHEMIST, AND DAILY FREEDOM GRANTER EQUALLY UNAFRAID OF PRIMAL COFFEE, GREEN SMOTHIES AND WHISKEY STRAIGHT UP. ROBIN LIKES TO HOLD SPACE FOR QUIET AND LOVE LIFE LOUD. SOYALA :: LUMINARY TRANSFORMATION SESSIONS. CO-CREATOR OF LIBERATED LINES. CO-CREATOR OR INTUIT & INSPIRE RETREATS. WWW.ROBINESANDOMIRSKY.COM/LUMINARY-HEALING/